when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
