HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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