did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
this hospital has no fireball
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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