Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
