I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
