oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
