This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
