McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize