You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
