I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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