I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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