I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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