I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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