I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize