He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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