So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
