marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize