Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
