ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I love you.
Bad choice
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
