Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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