I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Randomize
