there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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