If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
