we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
