Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
