I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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