laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
only you would photoshop your dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
