I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just gargled with NyQuil
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