So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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