he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
