it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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