oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
