Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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