My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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