so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
