My sheets look like a crime scene.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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