Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
