Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
