found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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