please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
