I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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