Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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