at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
