i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
