Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
