did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Text me some of your sweat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
