I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well you can't waste a boner
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
