I could have mohawked her pubes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
