Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
