end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
