dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Randomize
