Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
