Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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