I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
