my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
