The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
