Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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