Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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