...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
