if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
