Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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