I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
