In America we eat man semen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
