i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
