you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
