you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
