i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
