she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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