I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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