i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
